Networking tips for people who hate networking

• Jackie Cameron (Cameron Consulting)
• Tuesday 17 July 2012

Clients have given me a lot of reasons for why they hate networking and the most common are

1. They are shy and it takes a lot of effort to go out and meet new people
2. Their impression of networking is that it needs to involve a transaction of some sort – you can/will do something for me and I will do something for you – and they are not clear what they will get for their efforts.
3. It all seems so fake.

The problem is I think that there is some confusion about what networking really is. For many people it is shorthand for going to an event, getting a coffee/glass of wine and some biscuits/canapes , meeting some people and exchanging business cards.

But that is not where networking stops – or for that matter where it even starts for many people!

I work with students and young people in school when they are looking for jobs. The obvious starting point for most of them is to look at the job adverts but many jobs never make it onto job boards. They are filled through people that are known to the organisation already or through recommendations. Sometimes this is known as “the old boys network” and to be fair who you know not what you know is as relevant today as it has ever been.So when I ask the young folk who is in their network the usually look at me blankly . But of course every one of us knows people for all sorts of reasons. I ask them to start by thinking about their immediate family, then family friends and teachers and trainers and coaches for sports and leaders in clubs etc. For most of them it does not take long to build a picture of a reasonable sized network.

But the numbers are not that important. The quality matters so much more.

The only way to get to know what someone might be able to do for you is to learn more about them. The best way to do that is to ask questions and listen to the answers. You might not see connections immediately but they might jump out at you when you least expect it. I suggest that the young people I meet find out more about their connections’ business and interests and listen to stories of how they get where they are now.

But they of course are starting with people they know. So how do you build a network that includes people you don’t know?

We have a huge advantage in 2012 in that most people will have some online presence and you can do your homework before you meet them or follow up with some research afterwards. And this is where the work starts. Meeting someone is the start…what you do next is crucial.

Some time ago I went to a networking event where the speaker suggested that we limit ourselves to only talking about 4 things – our holidays, books we have read, our favourite restaurant or a movie that stuck in our mind. You could see the hardened businessfolk in the room shaking their heads and starting to mutter about waste of time…but within 5 minutes or so the buzz and energy in the room and the volume of the conversation was high – very high.

The point of the exercise - which lasted no more than 15 minutes – was to get to know each other at a human, personal, non-business level first. By talking about something that we both had experience with we had common ground immediately and by listening to each other we had the chance to make connections. It was a warm up….and when we did want to speak about business we had already broken the ice.

Now – you might have noticed that I mentioned getting to know what someone can do for you earlier – but of course you might find that you can do something for them – and that is a great way to strengthen and deepen a relationship.

So if you do think that you hate networking why not think about it as simply getting to know people. Even the shyest of us can do this by diverting the conversation to the other person by asking questions instead of feeling obliged to talk about yourself – still looking for something that you will be able to follow up with them afterwards though.

And you can do that at a bus stop, in a cafe, at a friend’s birthday party, in a class, at work….as well as at specific networking events.

Go on…give it a try and see what happens!

www.consultcameron.com

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